Start Over.

Well it’s a new year. I’m generally not a “new year new me” type of person.  I tend not to make resolutions because I won’t follow through.  Rather I set goals for myself.  I’ll think of something I want to achieve and give myself a year to do it.  I also don’t like to have specific limits.  So for example instead of “I want to lose 20 lbs” a more realistic goal would be “I’d like to make healthier choices.”  This way if I want to have a damn slice of pizza, I can have a slice of pizza.  As long as I make healthier choices overall.

This year I’ve decided to make it all about me.  I want to be happy so I need to carve out time for myself.  I want to feel better and have more energy so I’ve decided to do a couple of things:

  1. I want to start exercising more consistently.  I have never felt like shit after the gym or a workout.  EVER. In fact it makes me feel better and more energized.  I want to start exercising at the gym a minimum for 3-4 days a week.  Eventually I’d like to make 5-6 days standard but I also don’t want to start too big.  I want this to be achievable.  It is going to be tough because right now all the annoying “Resolutioners” are going to be hogging up the equipment at the gym.  I am going to be strategic about planning it. I am going to try taking advantage of my late start on Tuesdays and gyming it beforehand. 2pm is not going to be a busy time on a Tuesday.  Also it would be ideal to get in a workout on Saturday and Sunday after work around 4 or 5pm.  The gym is usually dead during the weekends because everyone is out and about.  Here’s to hoping. Once May hits I’ll be able to exercise constantly at the lake by my house.
  2. I am cutting dairy out of my diet again.  I participated in the Vegan Challenge for the month of December.  Unfortunately I was not able to go completely Vegan the whole month because of the holiday.  Before I decided to do the challenge I accepted an invitation to Christmas dinner at my friend’s place and her mother was thoughtful enough to make me vegetarian things to eat.  I’m not a dick so I was not going to ask her to make me vegan food nor was I going to be a bitch and only eat bread without butter and a salad.  I was strictly vegan for 19 days and then slowly integrated one small dairy item into my diet each day (because I did not want to feel like crap in my friends mothers bathroom all night).  The first day I had a small dairy item I felt like garbage.  Just in general getting all that dairy out of my diet made me feel better, physically and morally.
  3. No more picking up shifts to work on my days/weekends off.  I don’t have many days off.  I have each Wednesday off from both jobs (once a month I have to go into my FT job on a Wednesday night to do a store reset) and once a month I have a full Saturday off.  I am using that time to treat myself.  I will be doing things I like to do on those days.  They will be reserved for blogging, grocery shopping and meal prep and actual relaxation time.  Occasionally I can also use that time to do things with friends!
  4. I will blog more consistently.  I enjoy writing about a lot of things.  So I am going to set aside time to do this.  Ideally it will be once a week on my day off.  I don’t have to finish the blog post but at least take time out to write.  Perhaps I’ll start dropping shorter posts so that I can post something once a week minimum.
  5. I need to find a non-retail related job.  My FT job is no longer fun.  I have a few co-workers that make it worth being there but honestly I need to be happy.  There is nowhere for me to go with that company anymore.  I am not going to be an Inventory Manager for the rest of my life. Doing the same things I’ve been doing the last 5 years forever.  I need a better environment to work in where I feel valued and important and have the opportunity to to grow with the company.  I need consistent hours that aren’t crappy.  I’m tired of working holidays like Thanksgiving.  Working until 1 or 2 in the morning doing store re-sets and putting way the weekly shipment.  I am the ONLY one that works those bullshit shifts.  I also don’t want anyone else to take those shifts because it ends up being done wrong and just creates more work for me to do later.  It’s just easier for me to take the bullshit shifts.  Ideally I’d like to have a M-Fri 8 – 5 job.  Weekends and holidays off.  I’ve never in my life had that before so I’m curious to know.  I think the stability of having a very consistent schedule where I’m not working until 1am and then having a day off and then coming in at 6 or 7am could make having my hobbies easier.  I would have a consistent time to go the gym and run errands and could make it a routine. My body would get used to going to sleep and waking up at the same time.  I would have a more concrete and organized day.
  6. Lastly I need to make healthier choices.  I’ve become depressed and lazy recently.  Because of this I haven’t been exercising and my eating habits are crap.  It’s easier to order delivery and eat pizza or Chinese or Thai.  I don’t feel like making food because I’m exhausted, miserable and frustrated so I have something delivered and eat oreos after because, hey, oreos are vegan!  I want to make meal prep my thing again.  I need to eat better because in turn the rest of the things I want to accomplish will all follow suit if I can get my dietary habits under control.

Those are the things I want to take hold of this year.  I think by changing some bad habits and making it all about ME I can actually be happy.  Some of these things are going to be hard and scary.  But knowing when you need to push the reset button and start over is the first step.  Starting over is scary but sometimes you find that you’ve continued too far down the wrong path and you have to rewind. However if you have already gone too far the best step is to just Start Over. I’m not giving up.



A series of unfortunate events.

I haven’t written for a while.  Life got real.  Shit got in the way.  Friends happened.  You know how that goes.

It’s also holiday and I work retail.  Save (what is left of) my poor black soul.  Anyway, I didn’t have anything that I really had an itch to write about but over the last couple days I just feel like I need to record what happened because it’s THAT FUCKING CRAZY.  I have been sick so excuse my jumbled brain, I’ll try to make this bearable.

I caught the deathflu.  I don’t always get sick (I was very sickly in my college years so I pretty much caught every form of a cold back then, I have quite the immunity now) but usually when I do, it’s pretty bad. My colds are always the same, I kind of get this feeling in my throat and that’s when I know I will wake up the next morning with full on birdflu. I generally feel like crap for a day or two and then start to get better.  This kind of hit me out of nowhere though because the weather had been so up and down this fall my allergies were not very pleased.  So I had been having that “feeling” in my throat for damn near a month.

This shit hit me when I least expected it. I was moving crazy slow at work on Tuesday and then I just knew.  I knew on Wednesday it was going to be bad news.  Sure as shit I woke up Wednesday feeling like absolute garbage.  I was able to take some dayquil and managed to get my drippy nose and my watering eyes under control for my wax job.  Afterwards I headed to my retail job.  It was a horrid 3 hour set up for Black Friday.  I felt like garbage and my freaking boss was continually asking me what was wrong.  What do you think is wrong man?  I sound like a guy and my nose is dripping all over the fucking place.  Doesn’t seem like a good time, but I’m still here because I have to be.

Thursday was uneventful.  The first time I had Thanksgiving Day off in 4 years and I was sicker than hell for it.  It was my only day off this week so I decided that I am not too sick to make some food.  I bought all this food to be a glutton so, I made it.  Sadly, I couldn’t really taste it.  I figured I would be able to taste the leftovers as that is my meal prep for the week.  After cooking for a solid 3 hours I was freaking exhausted.  I ate a little bit although I really couldn’t taste much and then I slept.  Oh man did I sleep.  I slept for about 6 hours and then woke up hungry (good sign right!?) so I had a little of my leftovers (some casserole, mashed potatoes and a dinner roll) and then hit the sack again, because I needed to work on Black Friday at 5am.

I woke up even worse.  I anger cried a little bit because any time I’m sick, I’m not allowed to be sick.  People call in for the stupidest shit and then I come in looking like Death Becomes Her and my boss thinks I’m “not really that sick.”  You guys, I was SO SICK that my eyelids were swollen.  You read that right.  My fucking face was swollen.  And I still dragged my ass out of my house, could barely see to drive and I opened that god forsaken store for Black Friday.

I looked like absolute shit but I managed to work for about 5 hours.  As soon as I got into the store my boss was scheduled to be in like an hour later.  I sent her a text right away and told her that I am still very sick, I may have a fever and my face is swollen so I cannot wear makeup.  She replied, “Oh, I’m sorry.”  I wish you could see my snapchats because I had to document that shit somehow.  MY GODDAMN EYES WERE SWOLLEN DAMN NEAR SHUT.

It just kills me.  I am never allowed to be sick.  Then when I show up to work looking like the grim fucking reaper my boss still doesn’t see it.  She half assedly asked me if I wanted to go.  I told her I would stay because Ms. Millennial overslept so we were down someone right at open.  They needed me.  People call in for the sniffles all the time.  I always show up.  I’ve worked with food poisoning (twice), I’ve worked when I was so sick I actually lost my voice and could not speak and I came in with my eyelids so swollen I could barely see.  BUT hey, I don’t need to rest and take medicine, I’m fucking HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE.

So the real icing on the cake was today at work.  I got in and my boss asks me if I’m feeling better.  I told her I am better than yesterday by far but still you know, getting over the cold.  I’m onto the coughing stages now.  So flash forward an hour.  The guy that opened with me yesterday, who saw my eyes first and wondered how I was still alive was asking me how I was feeling today.  Boss is nearby as well.  I told him I’m feeling better but I’m still just really tired.  Then… Then.  My boss actually says, “You have no reason to be tired.  You just slept for the last two days.”

ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL?  I swear sometimes she doesn’t think about the words that come out of her mouth.  At least I hope she doesn’t think because that shit is uncalled for.  My body is working double time because NO, I haven’t just been sleeping the last 2 days.  I had ONE day to sleep.  Thanksgiving.  I still worked for 8 hours on Wednesday and 5 hours on Friday.  I am thankful my wax job boss called me off Friday because I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to swing that.  With barely being able to open my eyes to see.  Also I’m not sure if my boss realizes this but when you rest during your sickness you aren’t just relaxing.  Your body is still fighting off a virus.  This is not easy and depletes your energy which is why you’re tired.  Like, why would I need to explain that to you?  I have every reason to be tired because for the last 4 fucking days my body has been fighting a cold to heal itself.  One fucking day to sleep is not going to magically make you better.  She acts like I had 2 days off to just watch fucking Netflix and eat pie.  Negative.  I have 1 and a half days to chug cough syrup and drink orange juice and try to eat soup when  was finally hungry again.

Everyone else took one look at me on Friday and asked why the hell I was at the store but my boss failed to see it.  I feel incredibly undervalued as an employee and then this is the kind of treatment I receive.  Doesn’t make me feel any better.  I bust my tail all the time and then when I really need to let my body rest and heal itself… I’m questioned on how sick I actually am.

*sigh*  I’m thankful I’m feeling better finally.  I do not have any more time to waste.

Also, the food I made for Thanksgiving tastes great!  I’m super proud of my homemade vegetarian mushroom gravy!  It’s super flavorful and unlike the “mushroom gravy” you can buy (in a jar or a powder mix) it doesn’t contain beef stock!  I win!


On Vegetarianism (pt. 1).

I have been an omnivore most of my life.  I would say about 2 years ago I decided to become a pescatarian (the only meat I consumed was seafood) and about a year ago I decided to become a vegetarian.  I honestly see myself becoming a vegan at some point next year even.  I’m working on reducing the amount of dairy I consume (I like cream in my coffee and goddamnit cheese and yogurt are amazing).

Oftentimes I feel like Vegans and Veggies alike get a bad wrap.  You know that joke, “How do you know there’s a vegan at your party? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.” HAHAHAHAHA.  It’s true vegans and veggies are proud.  Why shouldn’t they be?  They’re helping animals and the environment.  I’ve always found it funny that if you find a meme or article on Facebook or something that mentions having a plant-based diet WITHOUT FAIL you will get a bunch of people bashing veganism or vegetarianism.  That’s why I find that joke funny.  I find it’s the other way around.  It’s usually a bunch of people giving YOU a hard time for YOUR choice to not consume meat. Yes, sometimes people who are passionate are in your face about it but really that post about the “Vegan Butcher Shop” isn’t for you fucking carnivores.  It’s for Vegans and Vegetarians and for people who are interested in making the switch to a more plant based diet.  I’m one of those people that isn’t terribly open about my vegetarianism. This post is the most open I’ve been about it.  Most of the time it only comes up when ordering food with people.  I am also one to not bash or disown people who want to eat meat.  If you want to eat meat fine, that’s your choice.  However, the one thing I wish is that everyone would just educate themselves on how their meat is produced and then decide whether they want to continue eating it.

The reason I decided to become a vegetarian was because I educated myself on the history of factory farming.  I watched documentaries on it.  I scoured the magical interwebs on articles for and against factory farming.  For a short while that consumed my life.  After watching those documentaries and reading those articles, I have decided that I cannot consume any meat.  I don’t think that I could physically put a burger in my mouth and eat it (I say I don’t think, because I haven’t tried but I don’t really want to).

I completely disagree with factory farming.  I would even go as far as to say that I would not necessarily be against humans consuming meat IF it could be guaranteed that the animal was raised in a healthy environment where it was able to live a good life and then was killed humanely.  In order to raise animals for consumption like that the animal needs to have A LOT of space and also be fed a proper diet.  However in order for that to happen… Americans need to eat LESS meat. They would also have to pay more for that quality meat. The demand for meat is so high that you cannot produce enough meat in those conditions, which is why factory farming exists.

Americans want to eat meat with practically every goddamn meal and they definitely want it cheap. Because of this companies needed to find a way to mass produce meat.  Thus the factory farm was born.  Factory farming is HORRIBLE and if you have ANY compassion for animals you would see that.  Factory Farming is the stuff that PETA shares (no I am not a member of PETA nor do I plan on becoming one.  I disagree with their tactics is all) and while I agree they can be aggressive it’s true.  Basically in order to yield the amount of meat that Americans demand each year we have to raise cattle/poultry/pork quickly and make them real fat.  In order to do this animals are forcibly inseminated to produce offspring which are then raised on these factory farms.  They are fed corn/grain because it is cheap and will fatten up cows and chickens and pigs quickly so they can be slaughtered.  The amount of people I tell this to that do not realize that COWS DO NOT EAT CORN is a little alarming.  Cows are supposed to eat GRASS but that won’t make them fat fast enough which is why they are fed corn on factory farms.  Same thing with pigs and chickens.  Chickens eat grass and bugs and pigs eat plants and vegetables (Although I think pigs are omnivores naturally consuming smaller animals, pet pigs are usually fed plants and fruits as a diet).  Let’s also not forget by feeding the animals this diet it’s easier to pump them full of hormones and antibiotics.

So, where are we?  Right we are forcing animals to have offspring and we are raising that offspring on factory farms where they are fed a shitty diet to make them fat faster.  Sometimes the chickens grow SO FAST (because everyone wants a really big chicken breast for dinner right!?) and their breasts grow so big because of the hormones they pump into them that the chickens actually can’t move.  Their legs will not support them so they can’t even move around.  They basically are immobile and sit around on the ground while waiting to die.  Oh and as a side note if you are a chick born in a hatchery at a dairy farm and you are born a boy chick you actually get thrown away.  Like tossed in a bag and thrown in the garbage because you can’t produce eggs.

Did that make you uncomfortable?  I hope so.  It made me uncomfortable the first time I was subjected to that.  There is so much more including deforestation and the destruction of our planet.  Because remember we need LAND to raise these animals and we also need land to grow the corn we force them to eat.  There is so much more about that but that will have to be for another time as there are other things I want to touch on.

So basically the quality of life of these animals is crappy.  All because most people need to eat meat for all 3 meals each day.  Not only that but the way they slaughter these animals is unacceptable.  They will throw a pig into a vat of boiling water while it’s half alive so that they can remove the hair easier.  The animal isn’t even dead when it’s put into boiling water.  Someone secretly filmed that and I had to see it with my own eyes.  Let’s get into meatpacking though.  Because not only are these animals treated poorly the people who are working in meatpacking plants are treated just as bad.  Many of these people are undocumented immigrants so they are constantly subjected to animal blood and guts and feces.  Often these workers get sick or injured on the job.  However they are undocumented so they cannot get treated.  The workers are provided housing… but there’s 20 people to a house with 2 rooms.  These meatpacking plants skirt by because they will let ICE come in and take some of the workers at their “homes” and deport them for being here illegally.  But it’s funny how the meatpacking plant itself isn’t raided.  You’d think that would be a jackpot right!?  Wrong, then the plant would shut down and Americans would have a meat shortage or something. [insert dollar signs here].

Just knowing that all of this goes into me being able to buy meat in bulk and for cheap is just not worth it.  Not only are these poor animals suffering the human beings that are working to package it so I can buy it… are treated just as poorly.  Is having hamburger for $2/lb really worth that?  I don’t think it is.  I haven’t eaten meat for about a year and I’m doing just fine.  There are even products that you can buy that will give you that familiar meat taste and texture as you are transitioning to a more plant-based diet.  Those things do not exist solely for vegetarians and vegans.  They exist so people can more easily transition their diet.  So my question is if there are good and delicious cruelty free alternatives out there, why not?  Why continue the suffering of animals and the poor treatment of meatpacking employees when you can get a “burger” made out of wheat and soy that tastes just as good?  I understand that NO ONE wants to be inconvenienced.  And removing a large staple, such as meat and animal products, from your diet is terribly inconvenient.  Just start by reducing the amount of meat you consume.  Instead of having meat for breakfast lunch and dinner, have it just for lunch and dinner.  Anything is a step in the right direction.

And again, I’m not here to tell you that you are a horrible person for consuming meat.  If you’ve read all this and seen those documentaries and are still okay with eating meat, then by all means, go right ahead.  However if you are interested in adopting a more plant-based diet I strongly suggest you watch the following documentaries: Cowspiracy, Forks Over Knives, Food Inc and Food Matters.  A couple of those are a little more about how a plant based diet can improve overall health as well.  If you are interested in trying meatless meats and cheeseless cheeses I also urge you to check out the Herbivorous Butcher.  They are based in Minneapolis so if you live where I do stop in to their shop. They also ship anywhere in the US so you can eat the amazing food they offer even if you are viewing my blog from 1000 miles away.  The meat and cheese alternatives that Herbivorous Butcher provides taste AMAZING and I feel the pricing is similar to what you would pay for “free range” or “organic grass-fed” meats.  I don’t feel it is expensive but if you are used to getting a lb of hamburger for $3, this would be more like $12 for a pound.  I go there once a week to pick up things for my meal prepping.  Check out: The Herbivorous Butcher Website.

Hopefully that was enlightening for most of you.  Or maybe you hate me.  Either way that’s up to you!


That Fork In The Road.

I just realized something at my job today. I was having a conversation with a coworker and my boss was there too.  My coworker is probably going to another store to get some more learning experience so that she can move up in the company.  Pretty standard yea?  Well she’s moving to a store that will at some point have a position that is my job, but one step up.  We were talking about how that store is a lot different from ours.  There is SO MUCH STRUCTURE.  It is literally a no bullshit store.  So I jokingly said, “Yea when that Inventory Assistant Manager spot opens up, let me know!” Sounds like I’d be perfect for it right?  Wrong.  Then my freaking boss says, “Well if you want that, you know what you have to work on right?”  [Insert eye roll here.]

And that’s when I realized it.  I would never get that job.  Would you like to know why I wouldn’t get that job?  Because I’m not all sunshine and rainbows every day.  Because when the store is closed and fixtures fall on me and injure me or things are executed by corporate poorly I swear about it.  Because I refuse to drink that bullshit retail koolaid that all upper management drinks.  That’s why.

Earlier this year the state changed the laws and rules about renewing your cosmetology license. Now you are no longer required to actually work in the field, you just need to take continuing education hours (2 – 4 hour classes every 3 years) to be eligible to renew your license.  So now that I don’t HAVE to work as a waxer or a stylist I can consider other options without letting my cosmo license go to waste.  I had briefly considered throwing all my eggs in the full-time job basket.

BUT that is the fucked up part about it.  It doesn’t matter that I’m the best and most seasoned Inventory Manager in the district.  It doesn’t matter that I’ve been doing this for the last 11 years of my life at both this job and my previous one. Because I won’t conform, I’m ineligible.  My boss would never sign off on me being Inventory Assistant Manager.  I jokingly asked another manager today if she thought our boss would make her Inventory Manager when I quit and if she’d be mad at me if I did that to her.  She told me that she didn’t know and that I’m not allowed to quit because I’m the best at my job.  I appreciated the compliment (as you know I rarely get compliments at my job since I just sit in the back all day).  However at the end of the day what am I supposed to do?  Where do I go next?

I don’t think I can stay where I’m at.  I never really wanted to leave until recently, maybe the last couple years.  There is no structure at our store and it kills me.  Our associates don’t even like their jobs.  I mean half the time when you tell them to assist a customer they get upset about it.  They give you an, “oh, I guess I can help them.”  GUESS WHAT!? THAT IS WHAT WE PAY YOU TO DO, SO FUCKING DO IT!  If you don’t want to help ungrateful customers, I get it.  That also means you need to find another job then. There are aspects of my “glorious” job in the back that I don’t like to do but I still do them because that is what I am PAID to DO.  It’s really starting to wear on me.  What is the point in staying with a company if there are zero opportunities for advancement unless you change who you are as a person?  Unlike Sisyphus, I will NOT be bound to this hell.  Newsflash, I’ve been this way for too long.  I’m in my early thirties, no changing this bitch.  Nor should I have to.

I already feel isolated because I’m in the back all the time (which, don’t get me wrong I love it) but I also don’t feel like I’m a manager.  I’m not on the floor with most of the associates so they don’t even see me as a leader.  Most of them sure as hell don’t treat me as a leader.  I feel like the only loyalty I see is from my team, most of whom only work 1 day a week during our weekly shipment.  I definitely don’t see any loyalty from Ms. Millennial and she’s with me most of the other time I’m here so. *sigh*

The store runs contests and stuff.  But it’s all focused around selling on the salesfloor.  My team never actually sees any customers so even though they “put us on a team” even if your team “wins” you don’t get anything unless you get a call out in our online survey.  None of us ever help customers so we never get a call out.  Therefore we are on a winning team but win nothing.  I get it.  It makes sense that you only get something if you are on the winning team and have someone mention you.  BUT if that’s the case, take us off the fucking team.  It’s damn near insulting at this point.  It sucks because regardless of what anyone says if it wasn’t for us keeping that floor stocked and cleaned and fixing all the broken shit, you probably wouldn’t get many call outs because all of the shit would still be in boxes or just sitting in the back unorganized.

Alas, I’m not bitter, I’m really not.  I don’t need incentives to do my job like the rest of our associates do but what I’m getting at is that we are slowly disappearing because no one really sees what we do.  They don’t know how much sweat goes in to putting away 100+ boxes filled with product every week.  Like, literal sweat because we have to do it when there is no A/C in the store so it’s fucking sweltering in there.  Every now and then boss will put up a sign that says some shit like, “THANKS INVENTORY TEAM FOR ALL THAT YOU DO!” or she’ll order us pizza or throw some candy on the table for us to get a sugar high on to make it through the night.

The hard truth is that I don’t know what she could do to make us feel more appreciated. How do you make a team feel appreciated when they aren’t part of the “daily team?”  When a whole group of employees is pretty much isolated and nothing they do involves physically helping customers how do you make them feel appreciated?  When their work doesn’t directly affect your selling numbers (even though it does affect that, you just can’t measure it because we aren’t physically selling it) how do you let them know they’re doing a great job?  Especially if that team doesn’t give a shit that you TELL them they’re doing great?  Seriously, we don’t need a pat on the back because we aren’t millennials that need a fucking participation trophy.  We KNOW that we do a good job (because I tell them that.  The person that actually SEES THEM do the work, not the person that comes in afterwards the next morning).  But what do you do to make their hard work feel appreciated?  I really don’t know.



It always amazes me, the amount of laziness I see from “millennials.”  Sadly, I am lumped in under this Millennial category due to being born in the mid 80’s.  I believe that Millennials are categorized as those coming into adulthood in the early 2000’s.  So Kiddos born from 1982- 1995ish or so.  There are varying numbers/years floating around for those considered Millennials.  However, the Millennials that were born in… oh I would say around 1987 to 1995 are those that are most “at risk” to be that annoying entitled Millennial.  I’m going to make this a bit into a personal rant so, bear with me. I might go off on tangents and it just won’t be as structured as my other posts.

There is one Millennial in particular that I know.  Let’s talk about her.  Now one of the major elements of being one of “Those Millennials” is having a ridiculous sense of entitlement.  Don’t get me wrong, I can usually get what I want however I do not expect it to be handed to me on a silver fucking platter.  I was raised with the expectation that if you want something you find a way to get it.  You earn it.  I wanted money to buy stupid shit at Spencer’s and Hot Topic as a kid (yea, fuck you I was a middle schooler in 1997) so I had to find a way to get that money.  So I babysat.  I did extra things around the house for a $5 bill.  When I was 16 I wanted money to buy clothes all the time.  So I got a part-time JOB.  Even now, I don’t blame my parents for “blowing up the deficit.”  I want to cover my body in tattoos and buy frivolous things sometimes… so I work 2 jobs because I like money and have bills to pay.  Instead of blaming others for my college debt, I prefer to just pay it.  It sucks but I have to do it.

I didn’t go around stealing and I sure as hell didn’t expect mom and dad to just buy me shit.  Okay so back to the sense of entitlement that Millennials feel.  Okay take this girl. Ms. Millennial.  She is 20.  She is supposed to be my “right hand woman” at work.  I would rather do everything myself.  So, as far as the sense of entitlement goes she kept telling EVERYONE “Oh, well I was hoping for a leadership position.”  Okay, newsflash, there isn’t one open.  One of my other manager coworkers said that to her as well.  She specifically said, “There aren’t any lead positions open.  Meesa isn’t going anywhere either so…”  She also is in school so she can’t be a lead if she can’t work FULL TIME. Now, being the curious person that I am when she mentioned this to me I asked her, “Okay, well you want to be in Leadership.  What kind of managerial experience do you have?” Her actual response, “Well none. But I was at the store for two and a half years.”  I told her that you don’t just get promotions based on how long you’ve been somewhere.  I tried to break it down even more.  I asked, “Well what kind of things did you try to captain?  Like what additional responsibilities did you take on at your old job that would qualify you to move into a Leadership role?”  Her response was even better this time, “Well, when I was working I would always tell people to keep busy.  Like tell them to clean and stock products and stuff.”  I almost died.  I just looked at her and said, “If you think the majority of my job is to sit here and tell you to clean and stock products you are going to be sorely disappointed.  That’s about 5% of my job…. and no one listens anyway.”

I cannot believe she thinks that since she has been working at a store for 2 and a half years she’d just automatically get a promotion.  That level of entitlement is ridiculous.  You have to prove yourself to get where you want in life.  You can’t just skip the line bitch.  You need to work your way to the top.  That’s how that works.  Honestly the amount of people we have working under us that think leads “Just walk around the store” all day or that I, “Just sit in the back all day” is astounding.  More than once associates have actually said, “Well you aren’t doing anything.” or “You just walk around the store.”  It is ridiculous.

So not only is my new employee entitled beyond belief she also has that lovely Millennial trait of passing the blame.  Nothing is EVER her fault.  It’s always someone else’s fault or the fault of something else.  I have two amazing examples of this.

First example: Said employee was working working working.  Not paying attention.  All of the sudden she asks me what time it is.  I say my usual, “time to get a watch.” then I let her know it’s like 12:30pm.  SHE FLIPS OUT.  Like batshit crazy flips out.  Starts freaking out because she has “CLASS AT 1PM!”  She tells me that her school is an hour away (just so you know it takes about 30 minutes to get there….) and she’s just so pissed she’s going to be late.  I actually had to tell her that when I was in college there were days that I missed because I was sick.  Or I overslept and went to class late.  It happens.  I told her that contrary to what she thinks, if she shows up late to class… she can still pass!  I know it’s a crazy idea.  So to make things even better as she’s freaking out she PASSES THE BLAME.  She actually said, “Ugh, not every manager announces the time.  Like most people say “oh it’s 12pm and X is just starting for the day and we’re at X dollar amount for our goal.  If she would have said that I would have realized I needed to leave!”  I was shocked.  I actually had to look at her and say, “Just so you know, it’s not her job to tell you what time it is.”  Are you kidding me?  Again, she isn’t going to be late because SHE wasn’t paying attention.  She’s going to be late because her manager didn’t tell her what time it was.  Yea, okay.  If you know that you are supposed to leave at noon because you have class at 1pm, then wear a fucking watch.  Anyone else watches that clock like a hawk because when they are scheduled to clock out for break or for the day, they are FUCKING ON IT.  Again, it’s not her fault…

The best story of all actually happened today.  So I get in to work at 7am with my favorite Saturday morning person.  Seriously, I love Saturday mornings working with her.  Now Ms. Millennial was also scheduled to work at 7am with us.  To my surprise she wasn’t there waiting (I stroll up at 7am on the dot.  Ms. Millennial likes to get there 20 minutes early and I told her I will never go into that store earlier than I need to…).  But I thought, oh maybe she was scheduled later and I read the schedule wrong.  So I look at the schedule and she was supposed to be there at 7am. I considered this a gift from the heavens above and I just started working and enjoying my time with the coworker that I actually like. Guess who strolls in at 8am?  I open the door and I say, “hey, you know you were supposed to be here at 7 right?”  To which she just looks dumbfounded and says, “Um, no.  I’m supposed to be here at 8 today and 9am tomorrow.  I wrote it down.”  I said, “um you are on the schedule today at 7am.”  She busts out her planner and shows me that she wrote down 8am. “I wrote it down.  I’m a planner.”  Okay b, you’re talking to the person that organizes the whole fucking backroom.  I’m a fucking “planner” too. (also, just so you know NEXT WEEKS SCHEDULE she is here at 8am on Saturday and 9am on Sunday.  Not THIS WEEK).   So I just say, “Whatever.  I just need you to put your stuff away and clock in.”  So I go back to working with my coworker.  As usual the planogram leaves too little room to fit all the products so we’re trying to problem solve that together.  Ms. Millennial walks past where we were working and says to me, “Yea, I would apologize but it’s not my fault.  The schedule is wrong.” I SHIT YOU NOT THAT IS WHAT SHE SAID.

My coworkers jaw just drops to the ground.  I try to find something to throw at the Millennial Heathen.  I cannot believe that.  She seriously thinks that the PRINTED SCHEDULE (that you can also access via an app on your smartphone) is wrong because there is NO WAY she would ever make a mistake and write down the wrong time.  The schedule is printed out and it clearly says 7AM next to her name with today’s date in the box.  You cannot tell me that the schedule is wrong.  How the fuck can the schedule be wrong?  JESUS.  Again, typical Millennial that we all hate.  Never takes responsibility for her actions.  In addition to that mess she also fucked up a bunch of stuff I asked her to do.  But that is for another time.

Lastly, one of the worst Millennial and just general co-worker/employee traits that she carries… is her inability to take any sort of direction.  No matter what she will always push back.  Whether its to me or another lead.  However whenever she gets pissed at what I tell her to do, she goes around and bitches about the “stupid tasks” that I make her do.  The thing that pisses me off is that when I give her a task I tell her WHY I’m making her do it.  So, for example she didn’t want to be on the floor.  So I gave her busy work.  I had her put the tester wands into smaller Ziploc bags.  I told her it’s tedious but we do this because I buy them in bulk and they are expensive.  The zipper on the bag a lot of time breaks and then the wands spill out into the drawer which is dirty.  Or if you are carrying the big bag and the zipper breaks you spill them onto the floor.  You can’t put a dirty wand on your lips or face, so we have to throw them away.  I have told her this THREE TIMES.  So the last time I made her do that task, after I had left for the day she decided to talk shit about me.  Telling other people “I don’t know why she makes me do this.  At MY OLD STORE. blah blah.”  The girl she was bitching to was hilarious and actually said back to her, “Well, Meesa has been here forever so she knows her shit.  I’m sure she has a good reason as to why she instructed you to do that.  We are a bigger store than your old one, so things are run differently here.”  GOD, I LOVE THAT.  She never suggests a new way to do something.  She just acts like the way it was at her old store (which by the way is much smaller and run completely differently) is the only way it should ever be done.  Our store is bigger so things are different.

So, moral of the story here.  You are not entitled to something just because you want it.  You don’t get a promotion just because you’ve been somewhere the longest. You need to earn it.  You also need to take personal responsibility for your actions.  Do not constantly pass the blame.  Believe it or not, sometimes people make mistakes, even I do.  But you need to own up to it.  Again, not all Millennials are like this but hot damn there are way too many.  If I tell you to do something you don’t get to just brush it off.  Don’t be lazy, I am asking you to do your job.  It’s what we fucking pay you to do so you really should have no problems doing what you’re told.  If you want a paycheck that is.



One of the biggest complaints of my job is the amount of support I get.  I don’t feel like I am completely unsupported but I feel as though I don’t get adequate support, especially when it comes to little things that should be supported.

So, if there is ever a heavy workload or whatever the case may be, if I need more people my boss supports me and makes it happen.  Whenever corporate fucks something up and we have to rearrange, we figure it out.

There are just little things that irritate me.  So for one, part of my job is counting.  So basically every other week I need to count sections of the store, for inventory replenishment purposes and to see how much shit got stolen. Every single time our Loss Prevention dickbag comes in all I ever hear from my boss is “well we have the coverage so we can count consistently.”  I’m sorry, what coverage?  I have yet to see you give me an extra person in the morning.  It’s like she’ll say whatever it is she needs to say, to make it seem like everything in the store is perfect.  I mean hey, why would you ever throw me a  bone and be like “oh well it’s very workload heavy, let’s get an extra person in here on Thursdays so we can do that.”  NOPE, throw my ass under the bus saying we’ve always had the coverage it’s just clearly my fault that we aren’t counting.  What do you want done?  New products out on the floor and old products sent back… or for me to scan fucking lipsticks?  Can’t have both.

I feel like she never hesitates to throw anyone under the bus.  It’s always excuses.  Everything has a fucking excuse (oh unless it involves me, I never get excuses for my angsty attitude) attached to it.  Someone said hurtful, mean things that were completely inappropriate to another person and her actual words were “I’m sure it wasn’t coming from a bad place.”  Really?  When you put someone down I’m not sure what kind of fucking place it’s coming from if it isn’t a bad place.

Just the other day I found out that one of my coworkers got in trouble because I left clear direction and she followed it.  Please note that this direction was handed down to me FROM CORPORATE.  I even linked it back to the specific piece of fucking information listed on the intranet as to HOW to schedule these things.  Well someone got butt-hurt and went to the district manager saying we weren’t being supportive of their brand. We were then instructed to disregard what corporate said.  So instead of my boss sticking up for me (and my coworker that followed my direction) saying, “I understand and we can definitely go ahead and break these rules but this was the direction we were given so this is why we did this.”  She ended up saying, “Oh well X used to book these and X is on maternity leave and I’m sure she was more lenient with it.”  THANKS YOU FUCKING BITCH.  How is that supposed to make me feel?   You sit there and come up with excuses for someone who said completely disrespectful and in appropriate things… but the second I do something COMPLETELY CORRECTLY AS DETERMINED BY THE CORPORATE OFFICES, you throw me under the bus by saying it’s because “someone else normally schedules this stuff so they probably did it differently.”

Something SO LITTLE means so much.  This is what I deal with.  ZERO support.  When she talked to me about it she was like “Schedule as many days as they want.” I challenged her and said, “NO, there was an announcement that said this is how we schedule, only for the next last two months of the year as it is holiday time.” She said, “Well I’m not getting yelled at again so just do it.”  Really, don’t stick up for your team because you don’t want to be “yelled at.”  So in response I yelled at her, “Well if we’re just supposed to disregard corporate direction for things THEN WHY THE FUCK DO THEY SEND OUT THESE STUPID BULLETINS SAYING, ‘THIS IS HOW YOU NEED TO DO THIS.’?”

I’m so tired of getting direction on how to do things or how to proceed with something only to get bitched at and then have someone say, “OH well don’t do what they told you to do. Don’t be so black and white about it, be grey with it.”  If we are just allowed to do whatever the fuck we want, whenever we want they why does the company give a shit and make these guidelines?

Furthermore why is it so hard to just back up your employees?  Shit like this happens all the time at the cash registers too.  You’ll make a decision to FOLLOW POLICY, someone will complain and then she’ll go up there and just do whatever the person wants.  Not only does it make someone feel like shit it’s pretty much like you’re saying, “Oh yea we can do that for you.  This person was just a giant bitch and didn’t want to help you but since you are complaining and I’d rather not have you fill out a bad survey so that my district manager yells at me. Oh here’s a bunch of free money because obviously I hire idiots.”

Perhaps if you treated your employees the way you treated your customers they just might be more willing to help out and treat your customers better.


My Views on Current Events…and stuff.

I have a fair amount of “friends” on Facebook and such that are moms.  Most of them are normal moms that post photos of the fam and kids and all that.  Then I have some that are SUPER extreme.  Having to document every goddamn stage of their pregnancy.  Asking questions about their symptoms as facebook status updates and then the ones who have to post articles about different things and state their (usually) unpopular opinion.  Normally I just tend to just scroll past these people or just click that button that makes sure I don’t see their shit in my news feed.

I’m not sure why but a couple of things have been bothering me (although not necessarily aimed at mommy posts).  It’s just those few memes or whatever that you’ve been seeing in your news feed and you really just wanna lay into the person.

Anti-Vaxxers.  Science people.  SCIENCE.  Look, I’m not a doctor.  I don’t claim to be one.  But I can tell you this… when I was a kid there was never a risk of me getting goddamn MEASLES or MUMPS or POLIO because before I received my vaccination I was safe because of a little thing called “herd immunity.”  If you don’t know what that is, let me break it down for you quick. Herd Immunity basically means that everyone is generally immune to these contagious diseases because there is a high number of people are already immune to it/have received the vaccination for it.   Listen, Measles was pretty much freaking eradicated when I was a kid because everyone got the vaccine for it.  So I wasn’t at risk when I was between the ages of 1 day old and 6 months old when I was too young to receive the vaccine.  Why the hell do you think these contagious diseases have come back?  Because herd immunity does not exist because of this Anti-Vaxxer movement.  What is upsetting is that you’ve decided that since you graduated from the University of Google  with your medical degree that you aren’t going to vaccinate your child.  So other people’s small children that are too young to receive the vaccine, actually get said contagious disease because you’re pretty much an asshole.  Furthermore what upsets me the most is that you would rather run the risk of having your child (or someone else’s child) die from previously eradicated diseases like MUMPS than potentially (POTENTIALLY) have an “autistic” child.  That’s your excuse.  You don’t want your child to develop AUTISM (something that you can live with just fine and won’t kill you) so you won’t vaccinate them… and you could potentially kill another persons child or your own.  Thumbs up to you!  Also, the Autism thing has been proven to be a crock of shit.  Please vaccinate your spawn.

“If you’re not a mom you don’t [insert bullshit here].”  Recently I’ve seen more than one person post a meme with someone laughing their ass off.  The caption reads, “When people without kids tell me they’re tired.”  I’m sorry, what’s that?  I have no idea what it means to be tired because I haven’t had my own crotchfruit to take care of?  Look, go fuck yourself.  You don’t have to have a kid to understand what burnout, tiredness or overwhelming stress is.  Just because I’m not chasing around demonspawn doesn’t mean that I don’t work my ASS off 6 – 7 days a week 65+ hours a week.  I don’t care what you say someone who works 6 days a week, 65+ hours a week DOES know what it means to be tired.  I am tired, all the time and you can kiss my fat ass if you think I don’t know what burnout is because I don’t have to chase a little bastard child around.  Is chasing little kids around and caring for them tiring?  I’m sure it is.  But don’t sit there and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about because I decided not to reproduce.  I work my ass off, I’m allowed to be tired and stressed out too.

“All Lives Matter/Blue Lives Matter” supporters. Please just stop.  All lives DO matter, however the lives in jeopardy right now are BLACK LIVES.  That is what the movement is about.  Being white myself, learning about the BLM movement was one of the hardest, most uncomfortable things I’ve ever done.  The thing is, white people don’t LIKE to be uncomfortable.  Which is why they get all butt-hurt about the misunderstanding about what the BLM movement is about.  In order to understand this you have to remove yourself from your comfort zone and look at things from a different perspective.  Being white is considered “normal” so imagine how brown people feel.  Everything is catered towards being white, so if you’re black you have to grow up in a world where you “aren’t normal.”  I know that it’s hard to comprehend, believe me I know.  Growing up white (even though I’m technically not white.  But I look white therefore I reap the benefits whether I want them or not) is easy.  But you have to realize that you benefit from looking white and then you need to start researching systematic racism.  Just start there.  Remember OPEN MIND.

Everyone is so quick to start burning Colin Kaepernick’s jersey when he decided to kneel during the national anthem.  Did any of those people that were SO PISSED burn cop uniforms when Philando Castile was gunned down?  When Trayvon Martin was shot for wearing a fucking hoodie? Or just recently the other day when some woman cop got “scared” and shot Terence Crutcher? The dashcam video and the pure HATRED spewed from the helicopter audio makes me sick.  Oh, not buring cop uniforms are you?  Not OUTRAGED that a father was gunned down for NOTHING. I didn’t think so.   You want to live in a place where you’re forced to stand during the national anthem?  Get your ass over to North Korea.  I’m tired of seeing those memes of injured soldiers in wheelchairs with captions about “you feel oppressed so I’ll stand for you too.” Fuck you dude.  Those people fought for FREEDOM. This includes the freedom to PROTEST.  You don’t have to agree with Kaepernick and that is irrelevant anyway.  Everyone should support his right to protest. He isn’t hurting anyone for Christ’s sake.  Also, since when does the fucking government make “patriotism” mandatory?  Are we Nazi’s now?  Forcing patriotism?  Lastly, I also really loved all of the memes giving Kaepernick shit because he was raised by wealthy white parents.  I’ll tell you this, you don’t have to be the “oppressed” to take a stand.  I’m not oppressed in any way (well other than being a woman, but I’m still white) but I fucking salute the BLM movement.  Nothing gets fixed if you stay quiet.

Lastly the $15 minimum wage thing.  Okay, I get it.  Trust me, for a long time I was a fucking LEAD at a retailer and was making $12.75/hr.  Was it livable?  Yes, but only thanks to credit cards.  So I understand that every person needs to make a living wage that is working a solid 40 hours.  However, the problem with this is that it was only (at least here in Minnesota) going to take place for MINNEAPOLIS businesses.  So what about surrounding cities?  Oh, you work in St. Paul?  Sucks to be you.  You work in Bloomington? Nope, min wage is still $9.50.

I also think we need to look at places that have already had the minimum wage increase happen over the last couple of years.  Namely Seattle.  It’s not all rainbows and butterflies out there.  There’s plenty of unemployment because there are fewer jobs.  I’m not trying to be an asshole about it but it’s true.  You can’t have cheap fucking goods and pay people $15/hr to throw it in a bag and ask you to open a credit card.  I think the real thing we need to look at here is the housing situation.  Instead of making the minimum wage $15 why can’t you find affordable housing?  Why is a fucking studio apartment in Minneapolis $750/month?  You don’t even get a goddamn bedroom!  A 1 bedroom is $945 and a two bedroom is about $1300.  How about you make HOUSING affordable?  This way you can pay people adequate amounts of money based on their job and the skills and degrees/schooling it requires.  Minnesota has raised the minimum wage from $8/hr to $9.50 in the last two years which is a step in the right direction.  Does it need to go up more?  Yes.  To $15?  No. We really need to look at having affordable housing and childcare options. You should not have to pay someone $25/hr to watch your damn crotchfruit either.  That’s a whole ‘nother post I’ll have to brew up.

Alright, until next time.