A couple of things all in the same blog entry.

I feel like there are so many things I want to touch on that instead of trying to make full posts about all of them I’ll just put my ramblings here. Please note I forgot to post this.  What the hell girl?  This is seriously from like 3 weeks ago.  Enjoy.

The shooting of Justine Damond:  So this is disappointing.  It takes a goddamn white woman getting shot for people to be like “we need to look at police reform.”  Are you kidding me?  How many black and brown people have been shot like this while everyone sat around screaming that “we need to get all the facts before we condemn this police officer.”  Where are all the Blue Lives Matter people now?  Oh it’s because it’s a  Black Somalian Cop that shot a White Woman.  Seriously, where are the Blue Lives Matter people now?  I didn’t see any posts on Facebook from you.  If you can’t see the racism in America now, you are truly blind.  Do not get me wrong, this woman did not deserve to be gunned down while wearing pajamas in her backyard but it just pisses me off that it took a white woman to get killed by the cops to open people’s eyes.  The sad part is that it hasn’t even opened their eyes enough because the next brown person that gets gunned down by the cops is going to be business as usual.  The next innocent black person that gets killed while just being respectful and following the officers orders is going to have his/her entire life and “criminal record” plastered all over the paper and it will talk about what a “thug” they are. The sad truth is that this woman’s death is not going to change anything.

Whole 30: So, diets are annoying.  I’ve gone keto plenty of times knowing that it is a quick fix and that unless I stop eating crap food and keep working out I’ll gain it back.  So don’t get me wrong, I’m all about understanding that.  Which is why Whole 30 is stupid.  Okay I get it, you “wipe the slate clean” for 30 days and then start adding stuff back in to see what is “inflammatory.”  My main thing that I hated about whole 30 is that it asks you to cut out things that aren’t bad for you.  Also if you are veggie or vegan like me your options are super limited because having meat and eggs every day is not an option.  LEGUMES AND GRAINS ARE NOT BAD.  The problem is that we eat way too much of them.  So Whole 30 says after your 30 days you can start adding back in things like grains and legumes slowly to see what effects they have on your body.  Okay so what if after 30 days I try to eat black beans and it upsets my stomach.  ARE YOU KIDDING? I’m supposed to never eat black beans again?  Negative, they’re good for you.  Also what is the point of cutting it out if you are going to add it back in?  If you cut anything out of your diet when you add it back in you’re going to react differently to it.  That’s a given.  I get that it’s about building habits of healthy eating but you can also do that without cutting things out completely.

I think part of it is the way the website talks about things.  It’s kind of annoying.  “it’s ONLY 30 days, just drink your coffee black for 30 days, you can do it.”  Can I do it?  Probably but I’m not going to drink my coffee black after the 30 days so, sorry.  I put a splash of vanilla almond milk creamer (my coffee is still dark brown) and a little stevia in the raw in there.  That’s how its gonna be.  That much coffee creamer and stevia is NOT going to harm me.  I once cut out coffee for a whole month (okay it was February, but it was a leap year! 29 days) and you want to know what I learned from it?  That  I can do it but I’ll never do it again.  Coffee is not harmful to me and I enjoy having coffee so why would I cut out something that I enjoy and is not detrimental to my health?

Also if you have time google “Can you do whole 30 as vegetarian or vegan?”  Because that part of the website is GODDAMN HILARIOUS.  Being a veggiesaurus and vegansaurus I know that I will have people bitching about my choices.  The fun thing is that it is MY choice.  I’m not making you eat tofu and I really don’t care what you eat.  I wish everyone would be vegan but I know it’s not going to happen and there’s not much I can do about it.  But I have my own set of ethical and moral things and you should also respect that.  Anyway, back to Whole 30, so the language used on the websites and such is “well you can do it but it won’t be a true whole 30 because you’ll need to eat legumes and you may or may not eat eggs.”  Some shit about Whole 30 involves a lot of animal protein.  So way to make me feel like a terrible person for wanting to make changes to my diet without consuming animal products.  Sorry I have moral and ethical reasons that I don’t want to consume steak, chicken, fish or pork?  Anyway it’s just the way the whole thing is worded that makes me want to slap someone.

So I’ve decided to do my own version of Whole 30, which basically means I’m trying to eat more whole foods.  Things that have ONE ingredient on the label.  I try to do most of my shopping in the produce section BUT I will also eat legumes, rice and potatoes because they are not unhealthy if I portion it correctly.  For dinner tonight I had 3/4 c rice with sautéed peppers and onions with a little salsa on top.  Thinking that’s pretty healthy.  Had a banana for breakfast with coffee.  An avocado (with hot sauce)  and some grapes for lunch.  Whole30 or not I think that’s a great improvement from vegan pizza from Pizza Luce or Vegan taco bell.  Suck it Whole 30.

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The Hatred in their hearts.

I’ve felt prompted to write again.  Huzzah!  I seriously have 7 blog “drafts” and for some reason can’t seem to be bothered to finish them.  I often tell myself “I’m not a writer.”  Maybe I am.  I probably could be if I could make it a priority.  *sigh* one day.  Life gets in the way guys.

Anyway, I was scrolling through Facebook and was “triggered” by a post.  Not trigger in the sense of getting all whiney because someone mentions something that has hurt me in the past or you know.  Anyway basically the post got me thinking.  I’ve seen this person (old co-worker from the past that I haven’t spoken to in 6+ years) post similar things and I just don’t understand the hatred she spews on the internet sometimes.

I get it.  You hear a news story and it upsets you because humans are often horrible to one another.  The problem here is that she will post a news story and then consistently call the perpetrator disgusting names and talk about how they need to die a horrible death.  I don’t think that is okay.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it is okay for someone to commit horrible crimes or do unspeakable acts especially to other living beings but to call these people out and say that you support torturing and killing them is a little bit absurd.

For example she posts often about articles she sees in the local paper and usually it involves assholes that hurt children.  She’s a mom and I know that she thinks about what she would do to these people if it were her child that was harmed.  So I get that momma bear instinct to fight to the death for your own child (I know my momma feels that way about me and even though I have no devilspawn/crotchfruit of my own if anyone hurt my baby boy (The most handsome cat) I’d likely want to go into a fit of rage and crack some skulls).  HOWEVER I don’t think I’d want to publicly be like “I’m going take this piece of shit abuser into a back alley and rip out their teeth one by one and then throw them into a vat of acid.”  That’s a little much and I could never condone hurting someone (even if they’ve done something bad) like that EVER.

But usually the post is the same.  She calls the perpetrator a piece of shit and then usually says they need to die the same way their victim did. The old eye for an eye thing.  What’s that saying though?  An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind?  Yea probably will.

I once had a conversation with a coworker about that orange fucking orangutan in the Oval Office when he was gently implying that he thinks things like waterboarding and torture are effective means of gaining information and completely okay.  My coworker brought up an interesting point in that we as Americans kind of feel like we are above treating people like that but the people we would be interrogating with those means don’t feel above it because they chop off heads and slit throats and waterboard Americans that they capture.  Which I understand but where do you draw the line?  Oh, that person cut off a head so we can cut off one of their people’s heads?  No, that’s not how this shit should work.  If you rape someone that means you need to be raped?  No, no it doesn’t.

I also don’t have an answer for what an acceptable form of punishment is.  We have prisons but they’re also full of people serving time for stupid shit.  My neighbors boyfriend (not sure if they’re still together? maybe) is seriously almost done serving 7 years in prison.  For what you ask?  He got a felony for selling weed. *sigh*  It’s a fucked up system.  He never hurt anyone, killed anyone… but he gets 7 years and then other people get like 30 months for stabbing a person to death.  Awesome.  And of course then you get people saying things like, “They don’t deserve prison.  They get free food and cable and they can get an education for free!” Oh no, trying to better someone who has committed a crime!?  Also the felony is also going to lead them back to a life of crime because they won’t be able to get a job anyway.  Perfect circle of bullshit.

The other weird thing about this is that a lot of times I will also see her post about animal abuse.  It’s always been something that bothers me when people freak the fuck out about people eating dog meat or using dogs in fighting rings or just general abuse of animals… but are totally chill eating other animals.  It’s just something I can’t understand.  You are mad when you hear of people abusing dogs but you’re okay paying someone to slit a pigs throat so you can have fucking bacon in the morning?  How is that any different?  How is it that pigs, cows and chickens are thought of to be lesser than cats and dogs?  Don’t get me wrong, I disagree with animal abuse of any kind but that is also why I don’t eat meat.  There is no humane way to kill an animal that was brought into existence so that you could eat it.  [end vegan plug]

Basically I guess I’m just confused as to why there is so much hatred in people’s hearts.  She’s not the only person I know that feels this way.  Social media is a great tool to really reconnect with people from your past and realize “this is why I don’t talk to you anymore.”

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Start Over.

Well it’s a new year. I’m generally not a “new year new me” type of person.  I tend not to make resolutions because I won’t follow through.  Rather I set goals for myself.  I’ll think of something I want to achieve and give myself a year to do it.  I also don’t like to have specific limits.  So for example instead of “I want to lose 20 lbs” a more realistic goal would be “I’d like to make healthier choices.”  This way if I want to have a damn slice of pizza, I can have a slice of pizza.  As long as I make healthier choices overall.

This year I’ve decided to make it all about me.  I want to be happy so I need to carve out time for myself.  I want to feel better and have more energy so I’ve decided to do a couple of things:

  1. I want to start exercising more consistently.  I have never felt like shit after the gym or a workout.  EVER. In fact it makes me feel better and more energized.  I want to start exercising at the gym a minimum for 3-4 days a week.  Eventually I’d like to make 5-6 days standard but I also don’t want to start too big.  I want this to be achievable.  It is going to be tough because right now all the annoying “Resolutioners” are going to be hogging up the equipment at the gym.  I am going to be strategic about planning it. I am going to try taking advantage of my late start on Tuesdays and gyming it beforehand. 2pm is not going to be a busy time on a Tuesday.  Also it would be ideal to get in a workout on Saturday and Sunday after work around 4 or 5pm.  The gym is usually dead during the weekends because everyone is out and about.  Here’s to hoping. Once May hits I’ll be able to exercise constantly at the lake by my house.
  2. I am cutting dairy out of my diet again.  I participated in the Vegan Challenge for the month of December.  Unfortunately I was not able to go completely Vegan the whole month because of the holiday.  Before I decided to do the challenge I accepted an invitation to Christmas dinner at my friend’s place and her mother was thoughtful enough to make me vegetarian things to eat.  I’m not a dick so I was not going to ask her to make me vegan food nor was I going to be a bitch and only eat bread without butter and a salad.  I was strictly vegan for 19 days and then slowly integrated one small dairy item into my diet each day (because I did not want to feel like crap in my friends mothers bathroom all night).  The first day I had a small dairy item I felt like garbage.  Just in general getting all that dairy out of my diet made me feel better, physically and morally.
  3. No more picking up shifts to work on my days/weekends off.  I don’t have many days off.  I have each Wednesday off from both jobs (once a month I have to go into my FT job on a Wednesday night to do a store reset) and once a month I have a full Saturday off.  I am using that time to treat myself.  I will be doing things I like to do on those days.  They will be reserved for blogging, grocery shopping and meal prep and actual relaxation time.  Occasionally I can also use that time to do things with friends!
  4. I will blog more consistently.  I enjoy writing about a lot of things.  So I am going to set aside time to do this.  Ideally it will be once a week on my day off.  I don’t have to finish the blog post but at least take time out to write.  Perhaps I’ll start dropping shorter posts so that I can post something once a week minimum.
  5. I need to find a non-retail related job.  My FT job is no longer fun.  I have a few co-workers that make it worth being there but honestly I need to be happy.  There is nowhere for me to go with that company anymore.  I am not going to be an Inventory Manager for the rest of my life. Doing the same things I’ve been doing the last 5 years forever.  I need a better environment to work in where I feel valued and important and have the opportunity to to grow with the company.  I need consistent hours that aren’t crappy.  I’m tired of working holidays like Thanksgiving.  Working until 1 or 2 in the morning doing store re-sets and putting way the weekly shipment.  I am the ONLY one that works those bullshit shifts.  I also don’t want anyone else to take those shifts because it ends up being done wrong and just creates more work for me to do later.  It’s just easier for me to take the bullshit shifts.  Ideally I’d like to have a M-Fri 8 – 5 job.  Weekends and holidays off.  I’ve never in my life had that before so I’m curious to know.  I think the stability of having a very consistent schedule where I’m not working until 1am and then having a day off and then coming in at 6 or 7am could make having my hobbies easier.  I would have a consistent time to go the gym and run errands and could make it a routine. My body would get used to going to sleep and waking up at the same time.  I would have a more concrete and organized day.
  6. Lastly I need to make healthier choices.  I’ve become depressed and lazy recently.  Because of this I haven’t been exercising and my eating habits are crap.  It’s easier to order delivery and eat pizza or Chinese or Thai.  I don’t feel like making food because I’m exhausted, miserable and frustrated so I have something delivered and eat oreos after because, hey, oreos are vegan!  I want to make meal prep my thing again.  I need to eat better because in turn the rest of the things I want to accomplish will all follow suit if I can get my dietary habits under control.

Those are the things I want to take hold of this year.  I think by changing some bad habits and making it all about ME I can actually be happy.  Some of these things are going to be hard and scary.  But knowing when you need to push the reset button and start over is the first step.  Starting over is scary but sometimes you find that you’ve continued too far down the wrong path and you have to rewind. However if you have already gone too far the best step is to just Start Over. I’m not giving up.

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Millennials.

It always amazes me, the amount of laziness I see from “millennials.”  Sadly, I am lumped in under this Millennial category due to being born in the mid 80’s.  I believe that Millennials are categorized as those coming into adulthood in the early 2000’s.  So Kiddos born from 1982- 1995ish or so.  There are varying numbers/years floating around for those considered Millennials.  However, the Millennials that were born in… oh I would say around 1987 to 1995 are those that are most “at risk” to be that annoying entitled Millennial.  I’m going to make this a bit into a personal rant so, bear with me. I might go off on tangents and it just won’t be as structured as my other posts.

There is one Millennial in particular that I know.  Let’s talk about her.  Now one of the major elements of being one of “Those Millennials” is having a ridiculous sense of entitlement.  Don’t get me wrong, I can usually get what I want however I do not expect it to be handed to me on a silver fucking platter.  I was raised with the expectation that if you want something you find a way to get it.  You earn it.  I wanted money to buy stupid shit at Spencer’s and Hot Topic as a kid (yea, fuck you I was a middle schooler in 1997) so I had to find a way to get that money.  So I babysat.  I did extra things around the house for a $5 bill.  When I was 16 I wanted money to buy clothes all the time.  So I got a part-time JOB.  Even now, I don’t blame my parents for “blowing up the deficit.”  I want to cover my body in tattoos and buy frivolous things sometimes… so I work 2 jobs because I like money and have bills to pay.  Instead of blaming others for my college debt, I prefer to just pay it.  It sucks but I have to do it.

I didn’t go around stealing and I sure as hell didn’t expect mom and dad to just buy me shit.  Okay so back to the sense of entitlement that Millennials feel.  Okay take this girl. Ms. Millennial.  She is 20.  She is supposed to be my “right hand woman” at work.  I would rather do everything myself.  So, as far as the sense of entitlement goes she kept telling EVERYONE “Oh, well I was hoping for a leadership position.”  Okay, newsflash, there isn’t one open.  One of my other manager coworkers said that to her as well.  She specifically said, “There aren’t any lead positions open.  Meesa isn’t going anywhere either so…”  She also is in school so she can’t be a lead if she can’t work FULL TIME. Now, being the curious person that I am when she mentioned this to me I asked her, “Okay, well you want to be in Leadership.  What kind of managerial experience do you have?” Her actual response, “Well none. But I was at the store for two and a half years.”  I told her that you don’t just get promotions based on how long you’ve been somewhere.  I tried to break it down even more.  I asked, “Well what kind of things did you try to captain?  Like what additional responsibilities did you take on at your old job that would qualify you to move into a Leadership role?”  Her response was even better this time, “Well, when I was working I would always tell people to keep busy.  Like tell them to clean and stock products and stuff.”  I almost died.  I just looked at her and said, “If you think the majority of my job is to sit here and tell you to clean and stock products you are going to be sorely disappointed.  That’s about 5% of my job…. and no one listens anyway.”

I cannot believe she thinks that since she has been working at a store for 2 and a half years she’d just automatically get a promotion.  That level of entitlement is ridiculous.  You have to prove yourself to get where you want in life.  You can’t just skip the line bitch.  You need to work your way to the top.  That’s how that works.  Honestly the amount of people we have working under us that think leads “Just walk around the store” all day or that I, “Just sit in the back all day” is astounding.  More than once associates have actually said, “Well you aren’t doing anything.” or “You just walk around the store.”  It is ridiculous.

So not only is my new employee entitled beyond belief she also has that lovely Millennial trait of passing the blame.  Nothing is EVER her fault.  It’s always someone else’s fault or the fault of something else.  I have two amazing examples of this.

First example: Said employee was working working working.  Not paying attention.  All of the sudden she asks me what time it is.  I say my usual, “time to get a watch.” then I let her know it’s like 12:30pm.  SHE FLIPS OUT.  Like batshit crazy flips out.  Starts freaking out because she has “CLASS AT 1PM!”  She tells me that her school is an hour away (just so you know it takes about 30 minutes to get there….) and she’s just so pissed she’s going to be late.  I actually had to tell her that when I was in college there were days that I missed because I was sick.  Or I overslept and went to class late.  It happens.  I told her that contrary to what she thinks, if she shows up late to class… she can still pass!  I know it’s a crazy idea.  So to make things even better as she’s freaking out she PASSES THE BLAME.  She actually said, “Ugh, not every manager announces the time.  Like most people say “oh it’s 12pm and X is just starting for the day and we’re at X dollar amount for our goal.  If she would have said that I would have realized I needed to leave!”  I was shocked.  I actually had to look at her and say, “Just so you know, it’s not her job to tell you what time it is.”  Are you kidding me?  Again, she isn’t going to be late because SHE wasn’t paying attention.  She’s going to be late because her manager didn’t tell her what time it was.  Yea, okay.  If you know that you are supposed to leave at noon because you have class at 1pm, then wear a fucking watch.  Anyone else watches that clock like a hawk because when they are scheduled to clock out for break or for the day, they are FUCKING ON IT.  Again, it’s not her fault…

The best story of all actually happened today.  So I get in to work at 7am with my favorite Saturday morning person.  Seriously, I love Saturday mornings working with her.  Now Ms. Millennial was also scheduled to work at 7am with us.  To my surprise she wasn’t there waiting (I stroll up at 7am on the dot.  Ms. Millennial likes to get there 20 minutes early and I told her I will never go into that store earlier than I need to…).  But I thought, oh maybe she was scheduled later and I read the schedule wrong.  So I look at the schedule and she was supposed to be there at 7am. I considered this a gift from the heavens above and I just started working and enjoying my time with the coworker that I actually like. Guess who strolls in at 8am?  I open the door and I say, “hey, you know you were supposed to be here at 7 right?”  To which she just looks dumbfounded and says, “Um, no.  I’m supposed to be here at 8 today and 9am tomorrow.  I wrote it down.”  I said, “um you are on the schedule today at 7am.”  She busts out her planner and shows me that she wrote down 8am. “I wrote it down.  I’m a planner.”  Okay b, you’re talking to the person that organizes the whole fucking backroom.  I’m a fucking “planner” too. (also, just so you know NEXT WEEKS SCHEDULE she is here at 8am on Saturday and 9am on Sunday.  Not THIS WEEK).   So I just say, “Whatever.  I just need you to put your stuff away and clock in.”  So I go back to working with my coworker.  As usual the planogram leaves too little room to fit all the products so we’re trying to problem solve that together.  Ms. Millennial walks past where we were working and says to me, “Yea, I would apologize but it’s not my fault.  The schedule is wrong.” I SHIT YOU NOT THAT IS WHAT SHE SAID.

My coworkers jaw just drops to the ground.  I try to find something to throw at the Millennial Heathen.  I cannot believe that.  She seriously thinks that the PRINTED SCHEDULE (that you can also access via an app on your smartphone) is wrong because there is NO WAY she would ever make a mistake and write down the wrong time.  The schedule is printed out and it clearly says 7AM next to her name with today’s date in the box.  You cannot tell me that the schedule is wrong.  How the fuck can the schedule be wrong?  JESUS.  Again, typical Millennial that we all hate.  Never takes responsibility for her actions.  In addition to that mess she also fucked up a bunch of stuff I asked her to do.  But that is for another time.

Lastly, one of the worst Millennial and just general co-worker/employee traits that she carries… is her inability to take any sort of direction.  No matter what she will always push back.  Whether its to me or another lead.  However whenever she gets pissed at what I tell her to do, she goes around and bitches about the “stupid tasks” that I make her do.  The thing that pisses me off is that when I give her a task I tell her WHY I’m making her do it.  So, for example she didn’t want to be on the floor.  So I gave her busy work.  I had her put the tester wands into smaller Ziploc bags.  I told her it’s tedious but we do this because I buy them in bulk and they are expensive.  The zipper on the bag a lot of time breaks and then the wands spill out into the drawer which is dirty.  Or if you are carrying the big bag and the zipper breaks you spill them onto the floor.  You can’t put a dirty wand on your lips or face, so we have to throw them away.  I have told her this THREE TIMES.  So the last time I made her do that task, after I had left for the day she decided to talk shit about me.  Telling other people “I don’t know why she makes me do this.  At MY OLD STORE. blah blah.”  The girl she was bitching to was hilarious and actually said back to her, “Well, Meesa has been here forever so she knows her shit.  I’m sure she has a good reason as to why she instructed you to do that.  We are a bigger store than your old one, so things are run differently here.”  GOD, I LOVE THAT.  She never suggests a new way to do something.  She just acts like the way it was at her old store (which by the way is much smaller and run completely differently) is the only way it should ever be done.  Our store is bigger so things are different.

So, moral of the story here.  You are not entitled to something just because you want it.  You don’t get a promotion just because you’ve been somewhere the longest. You need to earn it.  You also need to take personal responsibility for your actions.  Do not constantly pass the blame.  Believe it or not, sometimes people make mistakes, even I do.  But you need to own up to it.  Again, not all Millennials are like this but hot damn there are way too many.  If I tell you to do something you don’t get to just brush it off.  Don’t be lazy, I am asking you to do your job.  It’s what we fucking pay you to do so you really should have no problems doing what you’re told.  If you want a paycheck that is.

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Support.

One of the biggest complaints of my job is the amount of support I get.  I don’t feel like I am completely unsupported but I feel as though I don’t get adequate support, especially when it comes to little things that should be supported.

So, if there is ever a heavy workload or whatever the case may be, if I need more people my boss supports me and makes it happen.  Whenever corporate fucks something up and we have to rearrange, we figure it out.

There are just little things that irritate me.  So for one, part of my job is counting.  So basically every other week I need to count sections of the store, for inventory replenishment purposes and to see how much shit got stolen. Every single time our Loss Prevention dickbag comes in all I ever hear from my boss is “well we have the coverage so we can count consistently.”  I’m sorry, what coverage?  I have yet to see you give me an extra person in the morning.  It’s like she’ll say whatever it is she needs to say, to make it seem like everything in the store is perfect.  I mean hey, why would you ever throw me a  bone and be like “oh well it’s very workload heavy, let’s get an extra person in here on Thursdays so we can do that.”  NOPE, throw my ass under the bus saying we’ve always had the coverage it’s just clearly my fault that we aren’t counting.  What do you want done?  New products out on the floor and old products sent back… or for me to scan fucking lipsticks?  Can’t have both.

I feel like she never hesitates to throw anyone under the bus.  It’s always excuses.  Everything has a fucking excuse (oh unless it involves me, I never get excuses for my angsty attitude) attached to it.  Someone said hurtful, mean things that were completely inappropriate to another person and her actual words were “I’m sure it wasn’t coming from a bad place.”  Really?  When you put someone down I’m not sure what kind of fucking place it’s coming from if it isn’t a bad place.

Just the other day I found out that one of my coworkers got in trouble because I left clear direction and she followed it.  Please note that this direction was handed down to me FROM CORPORATE.  I even linked it back to the specific piece of fucking information listed on the intranet as to HOW to schedule these things.  Well someone got butt-hurt and went to the district manager saying we weren’t being supportive of their brand. We were then instructed to disregard what corporate said.  So instead of my boss sticking up for me (and my coworker that followed my direction) saying, “I understand and we can definitely go ahead and break these rules but this was the direction we were given so this is why we did this.”  She ended up saying, “Oh well X used to book these and X is on maternity leave and I’m sure she was more lenient with it.”  THANKS YOU FUCKING BITCH.  How is that supposed to make me feel?   You sit there and come up with excuses for someone who said completely disrespectful and in appropriate things… but the second I do something COMPLETELY CORRECTLY AS DETERMINED BY THE CORPORATE OFFICES, you throw me under the bus by saying it’s because “someone else normally schedules this stuff so they probably did it differently.”

Something SO LITTLE means so much.  This is what I deal with.  ZERO support.  When she talked to me about it she was like “Schedule as many days as they want.” I challenged her and said, “NO, there was an announcement that said this is how we schedule, only for the next last two months of the year as it is holiday time.” She said, “Well I’m not getting yelled at again so just do it.”  Really, don’t stick up for your team because you don’t want to be “yelled at.”  So in response I yelled at her, “Well if we’re just supposed to disregard corporate direction for things THEN WHY THE FUCK DO THEY SEND OUT THESE STUPID BULLETINS SAYING, ‘THIS IS HOW YOU NEED TO DO THIS.’?”

I’m so tired of getting direction on how to do things or how to proceed with something only to get bitched at and then have someone say, “OH well don’t do what they told you to do. Don’t be so black and white about it, be grey with it.”  If we are just allowed to do whatever the fuck we want, whenever we want they why does the company give a shit and make these guidelines?

Furthermore why is it so hard to just back up your employees?  Shit like this happens all the time at the cash registers too.  You’ll make a decision to FOLLOW POLICY, someone will complain and then she’ll go up there and just do whatever the person wants.  Not only does it make someone feel like shit it’s pretty much like you’re saying, “Oh yea we can do that for you.  This person was just a giant bitch and didn’t want to help you but since you are complaining and I’d rather not have you fill out a bad survey so that my district manager yells at me. Oh here’s a bunch of free money because obviously I hire idiots.”

Perhaps if you treated your employees the way you treated your customers they just might be more willing to help out and treat your customers better.

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My Views on Current Events…and stuff.

I have a fair amount of “friends” on Facebook and such that are moms.  Most of them are normal moms that post photos of the fam and kids and all that.  Then I have some that are SUPER extreme.  Having to document every goddamn stage of their pregnancy.  Asking questions about their symptoms as facebook status updates and then the ones who have to post articles about different things and state their (usually) unpopular opinion.  Normally I just tend to just scroll past these people or just click that button that makes sure I don’t see their shit in my news feed.

I’m not sure why but a couple of things have been bothering me (although not necessarily aimed at mommy posts).  It’s just those few memes or whatever that you’ve been seeing in your news feed and you really just wanna lay into the person.

Anti-Vaxxers.  Science people.  SCIENCE.  Look, I’m not a doctor.  I don’t claim to be one.  But I can tell you this… when I was a kid there was never a risk of me getting goddamn MEASLES or MUMPS or POLIO because before I received my vaccination I was safe because of a little thing called “herd immunity.”  If you don’t know what that is, let me break it down for you quick. Herd Immunity basically means that everyone is generally immune to these contagious diseases because there is a high number of people are already immune to it/have received the vaccination for it.   Listen, Measles was pretty much freaking eradicated when I was a kid because everyone got the vaccine for it.  So I wasn’t at risk when I was between the ages of 1 day old and 6 months old when I was too young to receive the vaccine.  Why the hell do you think these contagious diseases have come back?  Because herd immunity does not exist because of this Anti-Vaxxer movement.  What is upsetting is that you’ve decided that since you graduated from the University of Google  with your medical degree that you aren’t going to vaccinate your child.  So other people’s small children that are too young to receive the vaccine, actually get said contagious disease because you’re pretty much an asshole.  Furthermore what upsets me the most is that you would rather run the risk of having your child (or someone else’s child) die from previously eradicated diseases like MUMPS than potentially (POTENTIALLY) have an “autistic” child.  That’s your excuse.  You don’t want your child to develop AUTISM (something that you can live with just fine and won’t kill you) so you won’t vaccinate them… and you could potentially kill another persons child or your own.  Thumbs up to you!  Also, the Autism thing has been proven to be a crock of shit.  Please vaccinate your spawn.

“If you’re not a mom you don’t [insert bullshit here].”  Recently I’ve seen more than one person post a meme with someone laughing their ass off.  The caption reads, “When people without kids tell me they’re tired.”  I’m sorry, what’s that?  I have no idea what it means to be tired because I haven’t had my own crotchfruit to take care of?  Look, go fuck yourself.  You don’t have to have a kid to understand what burnout, tiredness or overwhelming stress is.  Just because I’m not chasing around demonspawn doesn’t mean that I don’t work my ASS off 6 – 7 days a week 65+ hours a week.  I don’t care what you say someone who works 6 days a week, 65+ hours a week DOES know what it means to be tired.  I am tired, all the time and you can kiss my fat ass if you think I don’t know what burnout is because I don’t have to chase a little bastard child around.  Is chasing little kids around and caring for them tiring?  I’m sure it is.  But don’t sit there and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about because I decided not to reproduce.  I work my ass off, I’m allowed to be tired and stressed out too.

“All Lives Matter/Blue Lives Matter” supporters. Please just stop.  All lives DO matter, however the lives in jeopardy right now are BLACK LIVES.  That is what the movement is about.  Being white myself, learning about the BLM movement was one of the hardest, most uncomfortable things I’ve ever done.  The thing is, white people don’t LIKE to be uncomfortable.  Which is why they get all butt-hurt about the misunderstanding about what the BLM movement is about.  In order to understand this you have to remove yourself from your comfort zone and look at things from a different perspective.  Being white is considered “normal” so imagine how brown people feel.  Everything is catered towards being white, so if you’re black you have to grow up in a world where you “aren’t normal.”  I know that it’s hard to comprehend, believe me I know.  Growing up white (even though I’m technically not white.  But I look white therefore I reap the benefits whether I want them or not) is easy.  But you have to realize that you benefit from looking white and then you need to start researching systematic racism.  Just start there.  Remember OPEN MIND.

Everyone is so quick to start burning Colin Kaepernick’s jersey when he decided to kneel during the national anthem.  Did any of those people that were SO PISSED burn cop uniforms when Philando Castile was gunned down?  When Trayvon Martin was shot for wearing a fucking hoodie? Or just recently the other day when some woman cop got “scared” and shot Terence Crutcher? The dashcam video and the pure HATRED spewed from the helicopter audio makes me sick.  Oh, not buring cop uniforms are you?  Not OUTRAGED that a father was gunned down for NOTHING. I didn’t think so.   You want to live in a place where you’re forced to stand during the national anthem?  Get your ass over to North Korea.  I’m tired of seeing those memes of injured soldiers in wheelchairs with captions about “you feel oppressed so I’ll stand for you too.” Fuck you dude.  Those people fought for FREEDOM. This includes the freedom to PROTEST.  You don’t have to agree with Kaepernick and that is irrelevant anyway.  Everyone should support his right to protest. He isn’t hurting anyone for Christ’s sake.  Also, since when does the fucking government make “patriotism” mandatory?  Are we Nazi’s now?  Forcing patriotism?  Lastly, I also really loved all of the memes giving Kaepernick shit because he was raised by wealthy white parents.  I’ll tell you this, you don’t have to be the “oppressed” to take a stand.  I’m not oppressed in any way (well other than being a woman, but I’m still white) but I fucking salute the BLM movement.  Nothing gets fixed if you stay quiet.

Lastly the $15 minimum wage thing.  Okay, I get it.  Trust me, for a long time I was a fucking LEAD at a retailer and was making $12.75/hr.  Was it livable?  Yes, but only thanks to credit cards.  So I understand that every person needs to make a living wage that is working a solid 40 hours.  However, the problem with this is that it was only (at least here in Minnesota) going to take place for MINNEAPOLIS businesses.  So what about surrounding cities?  Oh, you work in St. Paul?  Sucks to be you.  You work in Bloomington? Nope, min wage is still $9.50.

I also think we need to look at places that have already had the minimum wage increase happen over the last couple of years.  Namely Seattle.  It’s not all rainbows and butterflies out there.  There’s plenty of unemployment because there are fewer jobs.  I’m not trying to be an asshole about it but it’s true.  You can’t have cheap fucking goods and pay people $15/hr to throw it in a bag and ask you to open a credit card.  I think the real thing we need to look at here is the housing situation.  Instead of making the minimum wage $15 why can’t you find affordable housing?  Why is a fucking studio apartment in Minneapolis $750/month?  You don’t even get a goddamn bedroom!  A 1 bedroom is $945 and a two bedroom is about $1300.  How about you make HOUSING affordable?  This way you can pay people adequate amounts of money based on their job and the skills and degrees/schooling it requires.  Minnesota has raised the minimum wage from $8/hr to $9.50 in the last two years which is a step in the right direction.  Does it need to go up more?  Yes.  To $15?  No. We really need to look at having affordable housing and childcare options. You should not have to pay someone $25/hr to watch your damn crotchfruit either.  That’s a whole ‘nother post I’ll have to brew up.

Alright, until next time.

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Who’s your boss?

Ah, retail.  I know it’s almost like beating a dead horse.  My job kinda sucks.

Okay, not really.  I really do like my job.  Have you ever heard that people don’t leave jobs, they leave managers?  Meaning they don’t leave because they hate the company they’re working for (although not always true.  Part of the reason I left Target was because the company was moving in a direction I didn’t agree with.  PART of the reason) they leave because of their manager.  Well that shit is starting to ring more and more true each day I work.

Part of my problem is that I tend to bottle up my emotions.  I have that hard outer shell but people who know me, really know me, have actually seen that soft center that I try to hide.  Don’t get me wrong I keep putting up that wall brick by brick but sometimes sneaky people that I care about are able to sneak through the cracks.  I’ve always done this to myself since I can remember.  I just let my anger and frustrations and sadness build and build until finally the cap on that bottle just fly’s off and the whole fucking bottle explodes and shatters into a thousand pieces.

This exact thing happened to me yesterday.  I had a crappy week and it seemed like anything that could go wrong did go wrong for the rest of the day.  I remember the final straw was that a whole basket full of product for the floor went “missing” and no one knew what happened to it (we did find it).  All of the sudden the bottle I kept all my emotions in fucking exploded.  I was FLOODED with emotion and I had no idea how to handle it (you know, since I refuse to deal with feelings by bottling them up all the time).  I didn’t know if I wanted to cry, punch someone in the face, scream at the top of my lungs, set the store on fire or just crawl into a hole and patiently wait to die.  To be honest setting the store on fire was winning my vote until I decided that I was done with people and I crawled into my apartment and just stayed there until I had to work today.

There is a whole lot of other stuff that mixed into that whole emotion bubble but that is for a later time.

Let’s talk about how shitty retail is.  So my boss had this regional conference or something.  Anyway, they always have some stupid message they bring back (seriously I can’t believe they pay people to come up with the shit they do).  Apparently MY JOB is something the company knows is “broken” and they are working to fix all the stuff (it’s been 5 years, we’ll see…).  HOWEVER, the icing on the cake is that now my boss is going around asking people, “Who is your boss?”  Of course everyone is confused.  Most people mention the lead of their world.  Then she’ll say something like, “No. Who is your boss?”  Then, even more confused they’ll look at her and say, “You?”  And then she’ll laugh and say, “NO, the customer is your boss! hahahahahahahahaha lololz”  Everyone is mortified to say the least.

She mentioned this in our lead meeting and I think I was the only one who actually laughed when she said, “The customer is your boss.”  Don’t worry, I did it under my breath so I think maybe one person realized I laughed.  I cannot believe someone came up with that idea.  Because our customers are not entitled enough, lets pretend they are our “bosses.”  Like, I get the idea but I think the word you are looking for is “priority” not “boss.”  Until those dickbag customers are signing my paychecks, they can kiss my ass.  So when a customer says something stupid like, “Oh, I know I paid for this with a store credit but I want cash back and I’m going to keep most of the stuff in the kit anyway.” are we just supposed to go with it?  I mean they are the “boss” right?  That is just an extreme example but c’mon, give me a break.

Honestly as far as I’m concerned I am my own boss.  I cram 60+ hours of work into about 36 or 38 hours and my boss doesn’t even really know what I do let alone the CUSTOMER.  As mentioned in previous posts, for a lengthy amount of time my boss actually thought I did nothing but sit in the backroom and chat with people for the entirety of my work week.  It’s super easy getting 60+ hours of work done in 36 hours so DUH, I’m obviously just drinking coffee , shopping on amazon and catching up on Netflix shows back there.

At what point is enough, enough? I like my job but it’s getting to the point where it doesn’t make me happy anymore.  I air my grievances through the proper channels however the one person that can do ANYTHING about it, doesn’t.  Half the time she fails to see that anything is wrong.  I can’t keep forcing myself to be unhappy because I like the work I do.  It isn’t even about money anymore.  I honestly think I’d be happier living under a goddamn bridge in a box because it would be less stressful at this point.  It’s kind of a tough place to be at.  Miserable enough to want out but not miserable enough to actually peace out.

I seriously have 2 full days off next week.  I’m hoping that it can provide some clarity in this foggy situation.

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