Ah, retail. I know it’s almost like beating a dead horse. My job kinda sucks.
Okay, not really. I really do like my job. Have you ever heard that people don’t leave jobs, they leave managers? Meaning they don’t leave because they hate the company they’re working for (although not always true. Part of the reason I left Target was because the company was moving in a direction I didn’t agree with. PART of the reason) they leave because of their manager. Well that shit is starting to ring more and more true each day I work.
Part of my problem is that I tend to bottle up my emotions. I have that hard outer shell but people who know me, really know me, have actually seen that soft center that I try to hide. Don’t get me wrong I keep putting up that wall brick by brick but sometimes sneaky people that I care about are able to sneak through the cracks. I’ve always done this to myself since I can remember. I just let my anger and frustrations and sadness build and build until finally the cap on that bottle just fly’s off and the whole fucking bottle explodes and shatters into a thousand pieces.
This exact thing happened to me yesterday. I had a crappy week and it seemed like anything that could go wrong did go wrong for the rest of the day. I remember the final straw was that a whole basket full of product for the floor went “missing” and no one knew what happened to it (we did find it). All of the sudden the bottle I kept all my emotions in fucking exploded. I was FLOODED with emotion and I had no idea how to handle it (you know, since I refuse to deal with feelings by bottling them up all the time). I didn’t know if I wanted to cry, punch someone in the face, scream at the top of my lungs, set the store on fire or just crawl into a hole and patiently wait to die. To be honest setting the store on fire was winning my vote until I decided that I was done with people and I crawled into my apartment and just stayed there until I had to work today.
There is a whole lot of other stuff that mixed into that whole emotion bubble but that is for a later time.
Let’s talk about how shitty retail is. So my boss had this regional conference or something. Anyway, they always have some stupid message they bring back (seriously I can’t believe they pay people to come up with the shit they do). Apparently MY JOB is something the company knows is “broken” and they are working to fix all the stuff (it’s been 5 years, we’ll see…). HOWEVER, the icing on the cake is that now my boss is going around asking people, “Who is your boss?” Of course everyone is confused. Most people mention the lead of their world. Then she’ll say something like, “No. Who is your boss?” Then, even more confused they’ll look at her and say, “You?” And then she’ll laugh and say, “NO, the customer is your boss! hahahahahahahahaha lololz” Everyone is mortified to say the least.
She mentioned this in our lead meeting and I think I was the only one who actually laughed when she said, “The customer is your boss.” Don’t worry, I did it under my breath so I think maybe one person realized I laughed. I cannot believe someone came up with that idea. Because our customers are not entitled enough, lets pretend they are our “bosses.” Like, I get the idea but I think the word you are looking for is “priority” not “boss.” Until those dickbag customers are signing my paychecks, they can kiss my ass. So when a customer says something stupid like, “Oh, I know I paid for this with a store credit but I want cash back and I’m going to keep most of the stuff in the kit anyway.” are we just supposed to go with it? I mean they are the “boss” right? That is just an extreme example but c’mon, give me a break.
Honestly as far as I’m concerned I am my own boss. I cram 60+ hours of work into about 36 or 38 hours and my boss doesn’t even really know what I do let alone the CUSTOMER. As mentioned in previous posts, for a lengthy amount of time my boss actually thought I did nothing but sit in the backroom and chat with people for the entirety of my work week. It’s super easy getting 60+ hours of work done in 36 hours so DUH, I’m obviously just drinking coffee , shopping on amazon and catching up on Netflix shows back there.
At what point is enough, enough? I like my job but it’s getting to the point where it doesn’t make me happy anymore. I air my grievances through the proper channels however the one person that can do ANYTHING about it, doesn’t. Half the time she fails to see that anything is wrong. I can’t keep forcing myself to be unhappy because I like the work I do. It isn’t even about money anymore. I honestly think I’d be happier living under a goddamn bridge in a box because it would be less stressful at this point. It’s kind of a tough place to be at. Miserable enough to want out but not miserable enough to actually peace out.
I seriously have 2 full days off next week. I’m hoping that it can provide some clarity in this foggy situation.