First Time Waxers

So, as you know by now, my other job consists of waxing various body parts.  The good news is that I don’t have to wax ball sacks, but I do wax pretty much everything else.  At the place I work at, our most requested service is definitely brazilian and full bikini waxes.  Some may think it sucks or that it’s gross but the truth is, most women cannot do it themselves (and if you can, why would you?) and I make BANK providing this service.  Also, can you get all your hoo-hah hair off your body in 15 minutes?  Doubtful, but I can!

I wax and I wax fast.  No one wants to sit around with crappy strip wax for 45 minutes getting your body hair ripped out.  Also, unlike my other job I love 95% of my wax clients.  Yes, there are some repeat clients that have horrible stubborn hair but I still love them because they keep me in business.  I get to meet lots of awesome people and we get to chat about things for 15 minutes (sometimes more depending on how many services they are receiving).  And none of my repeat clients like to make small talk.  They like to talk about cool things like what’s going on in their life, or my life or tattoos or hair color or makeup.  So I’m not stuck saying shit like “can you believe this weather!?”  They make it fun, especially when I’m booked solid.

For some horrendous reason the schools in the area have spread out spring break over THREE FUCKING WEEKS.  So normally our spring break waxing rush happens for 2 weeks, this year it’s been more like the whole goddamn month of March because of the school systems poor planning.  Some schools had the 2nd week of March off, some had the 3rd week and some have this coming week going into April.  So basically it’s been a whole month of nonstop waxing.  I’m about 95% booked (only because I miraculously get a 15 minute break) each shift, so seeing my regulars (in addition to all the annoying first timers) is heaven.

So, let’s get into first time waxers…

Here’s the deal.  First time waxers are annoying for a multitude of reasons.  When you first start waxing a body part, it doesn’t matter if it’s your lady bits, your legs or your under arms, the longevity of the smoothness is not going to last for 3 weeks.  So don’t come in a week before your vacation because you don’t want to shave.  Hair grows in 3 stages, so you are going to see new hairs pop out after a week, sometimes even a few days.  It depends on the hair growth cycle.  If you have never waxed a body part and you want it to be smooth and not have to shave during your vacation you really should have at least 2 or preferably 3 waxing sessions before you leave.  This way your smoothness will last the longest because we’ve gotten all the stages of hair growth.  This means if you go on vacation in March, you should start waxing in January or even better December.  If you are too cheap (I mean, less than $50 for a brazilian, come on… that’s really a good deal) to spend the money and come 3 times, you better come the day before you leave.  But don’t be pissed when your lady parts are hurting for a couple of days.  You choose, it’s your body part and your vacation and your hairlessness.

Also it should be noted that when you come in and have never been waxed before you don’t have to tell me.  Most people do and it’s fine but it’s not like since you’ve never been waxed there is a special way for me to make it not hurt.  Only with repeated monthly waxes will the “hurt” lessen, and even then, honestly it’s not like it ever stops hurting.  Some of your hair follicles get damaged and stop producing hair.  This means your hair grows in finer and more sparse.  The reason it hurts less is because since your hair is sparse, there is less and less to pull out with each strip.  Make sense?  Again, this is only with repeated monthly waxes.

Most people who have never been waxed build up the pain in their mind.  Some people are babies and that’s the way it is.  But really, a bikini wax is not so painful that you’re going to die.  It’s not like I can wax your vagina off (yes, someone has asked me that…).  Stop building it up so much that you get all twitchy or start getting tense and stop breathing.  When getting a wax for the first time just focus on your breathing.  I can even help by talking you through it and telling you when to breathe in and out etc.  Otherwise just talk to me about something funny, I’m sure I can make you laugh.  It takes 15 minutes.  You can handle being a little uncomfortable for 15 minutes.  You’ll survive.

Lastly, when you are receiving a wax, especially a private area wax, general hygiene practices are always appreciated.  Try not to come right after hot yoga.  You’re sweaty and smelly and gross and now I have to be all up in your business providing you a service.  When I get a wax I make sure to take a shower before doing so, its common courtesy.  Another thing you shouldn’t do before a wax is go into a tanning bed.  You need to wait 24 hours after being in a tanning bed to get a wax (and also after waxing you should wait 24 hours before you go to a tanning bed).  If you go to a tanning bed before a wax I can potentially rip your skin off (same as if you are getting a wax but taking an acne medication like Retin-A).  You can also sweat so much that the wax won’t adhere to your hairs and then your hair won’t come out making it just painful because your skin is already pissed off from the UV LIGHTS YOU’VE BEEN UNDER FOR 15 MINUTES IMMEDIATELY BEFORE YOUR WAX.  This has happened to me and truthfully, you cannot get mad that your skin lifted when you didn’t tell me that you were in a tanning bed immediately before your wax.  You can get mad that your eyebrow skin lifted but it’s your own damn fault because how am I supposed to know that you just came from a tanning bed?  Unless you reek of tanning lotion I won’t know until I either A. pull off your skin with a strip or B. realize that you are sweating underneath the strip.  Neither of which I can tell until after the damage has been done.

People lie about things like that all the time.  Because they know if I know about it, I will refuse the service.  But then you can’t get mad at me if your skin is compromised and gets ripped off or burned because of what YOU neglected to tell me.  YOU wanted the service so I gave it to you.

Now, the last thing I will mention about first time waxers and this also can apply to long time waxers about general hygiene practices is that… I can’t believe I have to say this but… wipe yourself.  I have seen some shit (literally).  I would assume by the time you are getting your vagina waxed that you are a grown woman.  I’ve seen a lot of things but please make sure that you don’t have shit all over your ass (why is this a thing?  Why is it hard to wipe yourself after going to the bathroom?) and that you don’t have weird discharge all in your vagina and/or an STD or Infection.  I do wear gloves but if it’s not right down there I will refuse and I’m sure you’re the one that’s going to be embarrassed.  So…just take care of things down there.

I’m happy to say that this is not the case with all the people I see, but it’s happened enough that it makes me question how grown ass adult women can’t be bothered to take care of their downstairs.  Okay… now who wants a wax!?

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One thought on “First Time Waxers

  1. haha loved this post! I just posted about Waxing vs Sugaring on my blog! I totally agree with you-people don’t understand that waxing will hurt no matter what and that they will survive, many people do it! also, to make sure to at least wipe before going in. I ALWAYS clean myself before getting it done!

    Liked by 1 person

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